A Day in the Life of the XMen
by Dwalin Sky-mail
Summary: The title explains itself. This follows the course of a normal episode except with all the stuff they wouldn't be able to fit in due to time issues. Has one outrageous joke about Professor X that I couldn't resist including. Updated!
1. Morning

**Chapter 1: Morning**

Kurt was asleep in bed with his alarm set for 6:00 AM. He was abruptly awoken, but found that it was not because of his alarm. Logan was standing over him, grinning. "Time to get up, Elf. There's a training session in the Danger Room after breakfast, so we're all getting up _extra_ early today."

Kurt glanced over at his clock which read _4:17 AM_. He groggily moaned, "Yes sir," and, with a puff of smoke and a flash of red light, he teleported.

"Now where'd he get off to?" Logan asked himself, his grin changing into puzzled expression. A second later, a shriek emanated from the bathroom down the hall, followed by two loudly yelled apologies. Another second later, Kurt reappeared in front of Logan.

"Uh, heh heh…" Kurt stammered with an embarrassed, lopsided smile, "I'll… knock next time."

"Do that," Logan said, scowling.

Kurt got dressed and walked into the hall. He saw Logan walking into the next bedroom to tell his news. He guessed that either the professor wasn't awake to telepathically pass the message, or Logan just wanted the pleasure of seeing the looks on the students' faces when they heard it.

As Kurt walked down the hall to the dining room, he bumped into Rogue. "Hey, watch it!" Rogue said, "Do you wanna fall into a coma or something?"

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you," Kurt said as they continued walking, "So, did you get a visit from Logan too, or are you always up this early?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, Ah heard alright, but Ah've got different plans."

Kurt let out a sigh, and added, "I know where this is going."

"C'mon, Ah just want you to teleport me to the mall," she pleaded, "then Ah can walk to school from there."

"Uh, no. No. I'm not going to do it. I just got off probation, and I'm not going back."

"Pleeease? Ah don't think Ah can _live_ through another one of Logan's sessions."

"No."

Disappointed, Rogue walked off with her head down, which must have mustered some fragment of sympathy (and stupidity) deep down inside Kurt. "OK, I'll do it, but I know I'm going to regret it," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

"Ah knew Ah could count on you!" Rogue exclaimed, and hugged Kurt.

When they reached the dining room, Kurt started setting the table. The other X-Men were babbling useless conversation at each other. Kitty was sucking down milk straight from the jug right in front of everybody in spite of the fact that she had strep throat. Jean was serving the food with her mind powers because she was too lazy to do it herself.

After a minute or two, everybody quieted down and started to eat. Professor X telepathically asked Scott, who was sitting right across from him, to pass the orange juice. Scott sighed at the professor's laziness, and did so.

"So, how do you all like the pancakes?" Kitty asked, looking around eagerly, "I made them from scratch." There was sudden silence, and all at the table started looking at the person next to them, waiting for someone to say something.

Finally, Storm spoke up, "They have a very… interesting texture." She didn't want to hurt Kitty's feelings, so she forced herself to take a bite of the pancake on her plate. When she did so, she chewed into something that tasted like paper and had a texture resembling that of a stale cookie.

"I'm glad you like them," Kitty said, smiling brightly and oblivious to the fact that nobody else had even touched their pancakes, "because I want to make them tomorrow morning too. I was also thinking of baking a cake tonight!"

The X-Men kept straight faces, but inside, they were crying.

Scott couldn't resist any longer; he had to ask a question that had been boiling inside him for years. He knew the professor might find it offensive, but he didn't care. "Professor," he started "why _do_ you wear that blanket over your legs?" The professor started to fluster. Scott continued, "Is it like me wearing my glasses? Are your mind powers going to break loose if you don't wear that blanket?"

"No," the professor replied as he wheeled himself to the front of the room, "X-Men, I have a confession to make. I wear this blanket because… because… I... can't put on my own pants." The professor paused as the X-Men's faces all froze and, jaws dropping, stared at him.

"Not even your underwear?" Evan asked. Scott, his jaw dropping further, turned and looked at Evan in surprise.

"No. Not even my underwear."

"OK, I have totally lost my appetite," Kitty said as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked towards the elevator leading to the Danger Room with a disgusted expression on her face.

"I'd… like to be alone now," the professor said as he started to leave the room, "I believe it's time for your training session now."

After everyone had cleared the table, they all started walking single file to the Danger Room. "Man! Kitty lost _her_ appetite?" Evan said to Kurt, "I almost puked when I took a bite of those pancakes."

"Yeah I know," Kurt agreed, "do you think we should tell her?"

"We?" Evan asked, "If anyone's telling her, it's gonna be you. She's _your_ friend."

"True," Kurt reluctantly agreed, "Uh… look, Rogue and I forgot something in the dining room. We'll be right back." Kurt and Rogue walked back down the hall and waited 'til they were out of sight, then they carried out Rogue's plan.

Evan continued walking and caught up to Jean. "Hey, where's Scott?" Evan asked.

"Oh, he had to pick up something at the mall, so he left early during breakfast," Jean answered.

During the Danger Room session, Evan was trying to look all cool and stuff by jumping off of a ramp with his skateboard, executing an off-axis aerial while grabbing the tail of his board just so he could shoot a spike at some far away target. Unfortunately, the spike grazed one of the X-Men instead.

"Spyke," Logan yelled angrily over the intercom, "you failed! First, if that spike had been off by even a little bit more, you could have impaled your teammate. Second, If you hadn't been tryin' to look like Tony Hawk out on the battlefield, this probably wouldn't have happened."

"Awww man!" Evan moaned.

"You don't say 'awww man' to me, punk. You say 'yes sir.' For your disrespect, you're gonna wax the X-Jet after school."

"Man! This burns," Evan said under his breath.

"_What_ was that?" Logan inquired.

"Uh, I mean… Yes sir."

"That's what I _thought_ you said."

Scott walked into the Danger Room with Kurt and Rogue following behind. "Look who I found playing hooky at the mall," Scott yelled to Logan, shoving Kurt and Rogue to the front of him.

"Well, looky here," Logan said, putting on his grin, "the brother-sister hooky team. Well, everyone, you don't have to worry about today's session being cut short by Spyke. Kurt and Rogue have made sure we have an extra session tonight." This announcement was followed by a chorus of complaints, moans, and groans. Logan continued, turning to Kurt and Rogue, "And after the session, you can both spend some quality time together while you wax the X-Jet with Evan."


	2. School

**Chapter 2: School**

Kitty placed her books in her locker and closed it. She wouldn't need them for her next class. As she approached the door that read "Computer Class," a feeling of worry came over her. The last time she had tried this class, she became nervous during a lesson and accidentally phased through the keyboard while typing, short-circuiting the computer in front of her (not to mention the fact that she got an F and was sent to the principal's office). Nevertheless, she walked in.

Meanwhile, Evan was in science class. "Mr. Daniels," the teacher said to Evan, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a D on your science project."

"Aw man!" Evan exclaimed as he lightly pounded his fist on his desk. As he did this, he accidentally propelled a spike from the tip of his finger, which hit the blackboard, missing the teacher's head by only a foot. "Oops… uh, sorry teach," Evan stammered.

"'Sorry teach' doesn't make up for nearly killing me, Daniels. Please go see the principal."

Evan walked towards the door with his hand hanging on the back of his neck and muttered, "Man, I _really_ need to get this thing under control."

When Evan walked into the principal's office, he saw that he wasn't there at the moment, but Kitty was sitting in a chair in front of the desk. "So, what are _you_ in the brig for?" Evan asked melancholily.

"Well, I'm taking computer class again and…"

"Good for you," Evan interrupted.

"Yeah. Right. Well anyway, I passed the test and I got so excited that I phased through the computer again. What are _you_ in for?"

"Guess."

"Uncontrollable ejection of bone material?" Kitty said in a mocked nasal voice, making quotation marks with her fingers.

"Yep."

"You really need to get that under control."

"Where have I heard _that_ before?" Evan said, slumping back in his chair.

Kurt was walking down to the cafeteria and was startled by what sounded like a bar fight. As he got closer to his destination, he heard the words "I am Blob! Fear me!" Blob and the rest of the Brotherhood had been acting like super-villains from an old movie ever since Principal Kelley told them that normal kids fear mutants. Also, whenever they destroyed school property, Kelley didn't really seem to care.

Kurt walked inside the cafeteria and saw Blob throwing chairs around the room and yelling maniacal laughs including but not limited to "Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!" Then Kurt saw Jean Grey walk up to the over-sized student and yell, "Blob, stop it!" For a moment, Blob paused, and looked at Jean.

"No!" Blob yelled, "Blargh!" Then he threw a table at her, but she caught it with her telekinesis. This made Blob angry, as did anyone who was bold enough to stand up to him. Jean's red hair began to flare like it did whenever her telekinesis was active. Blob stood leaning forward with his muscles flexed and face reddened, and looked like he could break loose at any moment. They stood, looking at each other with frozen expressions of anger. All this made them look like two characters in a Street Fighter game right before it says "GO!" Soon, students began gathering around like the meaningless fools in the background who stand like low-detail cardboard stand-ups, occasionally raising a fist into the air while chanting the word _fight_.

Suddenly, Toad hopped over next to Blob. "Lets go at it, Yo!" He said to Jean.

"Oh shut up," Jean said as she telekinetically grabbed Toad by the tongue and threw him into a wall.

"Why oo ah alway ha a woose?" Toad moaned as he fell to floor face first with his tongue still stretched out on the floor.

In the middle of the fray, Principal Kelley walked into the room. "Jean, you're responsible for this mess. I'll expect you to clean it up."

"What? No I'm not!" Jean snapped, "Blob did all this." But when she looked around to point to him, she found he was no longer there. Toad was hopping out of the room at top speed.

"Temper, temper," Kelley scolded, "And have we stooped so low that we lie to the principal now, Miss Grey?" Kelley stood in one place, looking at Jean, waiting for her to say something that could get her in trouble. But Jean said nothing and only glared, and Kelley, with a disappointed frown on his face, left the room.

Later, when school was over, Jean was walking with Scott to his car, and told him about the incident. Scott sighed and said, "I liked it better when Mystique was principal."

Suddenly Jean received a telepathic message from the professor, "Jean, gather the X-Men. The mansion is under attack!" Kurt, Evan, Kitty, Rogue, and the others who didn't possess a driver's license were walking home already, and also received the message.

"Oh, why does _everything_ have to go wrong today?" Kurt said.

"Pfft, you're telling me?" Evan said, rolling his eyes.

"Alright, everybody grab onto me and hold on tight," Kurt said. All of them did so, and they teleported to the mansion.


End file.
